My magnet works, I haven't been suicidally depressed for a month. But I am feeling very lost. I have no purpose, no job, no interest in making my house perfect, or even tidy or even mothering any better right now. Does that mean I am still depressed? I am tired & right now I have a sore throat & headache. But there is just always something. My husbands job is 24/7 right down to him getting a call at 4am on a Saturday recently which happened to be my birthday, I didn't properly get back to sleep either :-( It just takes over our lives, it has meant I have tended to put kids to bed & do all morning stuff, in varying degrees of success as my limits dictated. So now they reject him doing it, only really being ok if I am out of the house. And there is no pattern, no clear routine. And I have no energy to create one. Makes me want to run away.
What other paths might I have trodden if I hadn't walked this one? What paths do I want to take on the road ahead? I can't recall how I used to get excited about stuff & do things, shit, I must still be depressed. I guess there are varying degrees. I have been looking backwards at my life, trying to find the bits where I seriously had my "mojo" and trying to recapture that. I feel a bit stuck though. Partly it was freedom, no mortgage, no kids, no committments. How do I recapture that and not blow apart my life? Do I want to blow apart my life? I feel trapped.
